March Madness

[kcobweb]

So - things are progressing. We will make it through this!! It will get better!! (These are my mantras.)

She now weighs 6 pounds 9 ounces (as of this afternoon), and is almost back to her birthweight (which is right on schedule - babies typically lose a little weight postpartum, just not as drastically as the EB). Feeding is still an issue (oh gods, am I setting her up for a lifetime of food and body issues already?) - but we're (both) getting better. My milk supply is low, but is steadily increasing with pumping, and she is getting a little better at the eating process. I have become a little bitter about the whole breastfeeding industry - everyone claims "oh it's natural and couldn't be easier" - and for us, it's been nothing but difficulty. The books don't talk about what to do if your baby *won't* breastfeed or your milk isn't coming in fast enough. Seriously, if I didn't know it was better, I would have given up on breasts 12 times over already, because bottles are easier for both of us at this point (less painful, easier for her to feed from, etc.) - but I know in the long run, bottles are a pain, formula is expensive, and the whole thing isn't as ideal. Sigh. Pumping is a bother too - although now I can distract myself during the boring 15 minutes of pumping time with NCAA basketball games - so much better than bad talk shows, syndicated sitcoms or soap operas!

She *is* cute. That's about all I can say thus far. I'm not one of those women who felt a gush of maternal feeling when they first put her on my stomach - I still feel a little detached from her. My mother was saying "oh, I'm worried about you. this is supposed to be a joyous time!" and I'm like "are you on crack?" There is nothing joyous about sleep deprivation and sore breasts and not getting a shower for days on end and feeling trapped by a 3-hour schedule cycle. The real thing is, there's no positive feedback yet - when she first smiles, or even reacts to us, THEN I think I will feel differently. Right now, it's just all on auto-pilot, a little bit. And that's okay, for now.

So, I have to relate a bit of back story for this next item to make sense: My all-time favorite headline from the Weekly World News is "Pregnant woman struck by lightning; now electric baby lights bulbs by touch." Seriously - this was years ago, and I've always remembered it. So when that actually happened to me, we joked about it a bit (in the hospital afterwards, and whatnot). It is, of course, the source for the very nickname of Electric Baby. Well, my sister, in her infinite brilliance, spent the last 7 months since that accident designing and making a cross-stitch with that legend on it - plus a little baby with a light bulb in the corner. And a zig-zag-y lightning-ish border. She presented it to me before she left. It's brilliant. She rocks. It might almost be better than the blue girl power onesies.

The EB is dressed in pink today - she is starting to get gifts, and yes, some of them are pink. I must admit, she is darned darned adorable in pink.

Comments

[rivka.livejournal.com]

*hug*

I've had other friends who only fell in love with their babies after some time had passed. It turns out just fine.

I think your mom must be on crack, or at least on a haze of happy 25-year-old memories. Everyone says the first few weeks are incredibly hard. 85% of women get the baby blues in the first few days and weeks. It's not "a joyous time" when you're living it.

Hang in there! I'm sure you and Elena will come through this rocky spell very soon.

[journeywoman.livejournal.com]

I didn't fall in love with Evan till he was two months old. Till then, I was interested in him and protective, and I thought he was cute (though rather ungrateful and unappreciative) but that was about it. Now I'm crazy about him.

And breastfeeding is so hard (http://www.livejournal.com/users/journeywoman/17773.html) the first few weeks. All the books are totallyworthless--no decent advice, and they make you feel like a moron on top of it. I wanted to give up on nursing many times (like, at every feeding) but I'd promised myself to try it for a month. Now, four months into it, I actually like it. I never thought I'd say that.

My mother and my stepmother-in-law also have selective memories when it comes to baby-raising. Try to tune the unhelpful stuff out.

[kcobweb.livejournal.com]

I like the idea of promising myself to stick with it for a month.
That's the kind of helpful deadline I can live with.

Now, four months into it, I actually like it.

That's comforting to hear too. We've been going to the lactation consultant every few days - to weigh the EB and get tips/advice. Every time, she tells me I'm doing everything right and we're on our way - and it makes me feel so much better. I have threatened to just go there for every single feeding, because the feedings always go so well at her office. If only she were there at 3 a.m. :)

[cycon.livejournal.com]

Just do the breast that you can. :)

I remember whe a close friend of mine up in Montreal had her first baby, and she called up my mother for breastfeeding advice. It's embarrassing enough when your mother shows your friends baby pictures of you; hearing her tell them lactation stories about you is in a class by itself.

[journeywoman.livejournal.com]

Oh, and I've got $5 on Illinois winning it all. Who have you picked?

[kcobweb.livejournal.com]

I like basketball and enjoy watching it, but have no idea about the brackets and the odds and who's up against who.... For each game, I tend to pick a sentimental favorite, based on geography or underdog status usually. But I have no idea where it all goes from here. I suppose I should get a hold of a grid and make some wild predictions. I could bet against galagan.

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

We just watched Vermont beat Syracuse in overtime, which was kind of amazing. I like rooting for the underdog, especially when they're vaguely local. :-)

[journeywoman.livejournal.com]

That game was very amazing. Last year I read an article about how every year, Vermont has absolutely no chance but always makes the trek to the Pacific time zone bracket just to get walloped. It was so cool to see them take out Syracuse.

I don't follow college basketball myself, ordinarily, but I always enjoy betting in my husband's office pool.

[saltcod.livejournal.com]

You have such a great sister. What an awesome gift. :)
I'm sorry you're still having trouble adjusting to the breastfeeding. I can't claim to have any experience that way, but I can see how frustrated you are with something you had expected so much more from, and were so committed to--I do hope things continue to improve.
*hugs* to you all

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

Go you, for making it through this part! My friend J who has two kids (ages six years and six months) tells me the first two weeks are the hardest part, and that everything gets easier after that.

I can totally see how this part would be absurdly hard. I'm kind of awed by y'all, honestly.

[kcobweb.livejournal.com]

At this point - i.e. there is a new baby in the house, and we have to deal with it - you sort of just have to forge ahead. Everything happens in this 3-hour cycle (feed, sleep, etc.) - so we're totally living in the present and only dealing with what's immediately in front of us. "Long-term planning" means "this afternoon."

[journeywoman.livejournal.com]

I thought that cycle would never end. Taking care of the baby was absolutely consuming--couldn't do anything else. I was very intimidated by the idea of visiting the in-laws when he was a month old, but I found that it actually helped to have (low-key) activities and timetables imposed by someone other than the baby. It put his demands more into perspective, if that makes sense.

As impossible as it seems right now, you'll get to the point where the EB's needs no longer dominate your every waking moment. You'll be able to integrate her with most of your everyday activities. For me, it took about six weeks, but I think I was coddling myself, and I didn't really know how to break out of the cycle. Hang in there!