kcobweb

I miss my old body, the one I had the first 31 years of my life. This loaner body I have currently is fine, and often fascinating and amazing - but just not the same. I am insanely jealous of people who are wearing normal real jeans - with flies and buttons and zippers and pockets and things. My old body could do some things that were cool and fun sometimes.

She had the hiccups this morning - the second time I've noticed that. It's just enough movement to be distracting. It is a rhythmic pulse and feels like she's knocking or something.

I was reading in bed this morning, and decided to get up - and stood too quickly. There was much moaning and groaning (which is pretty common for me when I first stand these days - it's always a little crampy and painful). galagan started laughing at me and the racket I was making. I said: "Whoops, I forgot and stood up too fast." He: "That's not too bright." Me: "I'm sorry, darling - I know you were hoping for a smart baby, but things don't look too good for her genetically."

I realize every so often that when I imagine having the baby actually here, I always picture her sleeping, eating, or crying. I usually fail to remember that occasionally she might be both awake and happy at the same time. I know newborns don't require a lot of entertainment or additional stimulation, but this idea freaks me out a little bit for some reason. I think this is partly because I'm trying to steel myself for the horrible parts, and forgetting that there might be good parts too. Do I need psychological preparation for the good parts? I suppose they will be easier to adapt to, so perhaps I'll be okay.

ETA: galagan panicked yesterday because February only has *4* weeks in it, and therefore my due date is actually a week closer than he had thought.... *grin* Yes, 5 weeks to go. Or rather, 4 weeks 4 days. (Till the due date, not till the birth.)

I just got home from running a grand mega-slew of errands. Granted, many of these were fun errands, as I somehow managed to stop at a good majority of the craft stores in town ("hmmmm, I wonder if this store has pretty yarn on sale?"). I did some amount of baby shopping, including scoring 5 outfits for 6 bucks at our Goodwill (I love our Goodwill - it's fabulous). I'm now going to *try* and hold off on any more baby-shopping until after I have a baby shower. I'm writing out an invite list for that right now, so I can take it over to my mom's best friend, who will be our hostess. I discovered that my preferred drug store has Chinese New Year's cards - in homogenous Billings Montana, that's quite amazing, I think. I sat in Borders and read a lot of Baby Bargains, which is the book everyone has recommended to me - but I don't feel like purchasing at this late date. I also found a handful of other books I kind of want, but resisted the urge for today.

Today's pregnancy news: I'm waddling. I'm not huge or anything yet - with my winter coat on, much of my bulk is largely obscured. But every time I got out of the car today and started walking toward a store, I could feel my body just swaying side to side. I feel like it's so obvious and exaggerated, and everyone must be staring at me. :)

So we were talking in a desultory way this morning about what the Electric Baby might look like.

It's nearly a lock that she will have blue eyes, because we both do (and our parents, etc. etc.). (And actually, most Caucasian babies are born with blue or blue-grey eyes, which then take a few months to settle to their eventual destined color.)

galagan thinks she'll have brown hair, but I think it will start out blond, or perhaps reddish. (His nephew has strawberry-blond hair, and apparently galagan's father did too. I have dyed red hair :), but I do have natural red highlights, plus some reddish hair and/or highlights pop up in other family members too. So - she won't ever be bright bright red, but she could be auburn.) And I'm reasonably sure she'll be born with hair too - I was born with a full head's worth myself (we're not sure about galagan and his baby pics are gone).

But then - who might she looks like in terms of facial features? I have some strong familial trends on my side, and he does too.... His comment: "Well, no matter what, she will have a big nose." A pause "I'm afraid she might not end up too attractive." --I demurred, at which point he asked me for examples of beautiful women with big noses. Any suggestions?

(I'm not really worried about this - of course she'll be beautiful anyway, no matter what nose - but it was an interesting question, and I thought some of you might have good answers.)

In other news, I feel much better and more prepared, because we actually bought a carseat (an essential item to have BEFORE she is born so that it's ready to go) - and got our registry taken care of. Whew! Now I can relax a tiny bit and not fret so much about my general level of unpreparedness.

The big presentation is over - it went rather well, though I felt like I was scattered and all over the place (how do you cover a sprawling huge issue like "sexuality" in just 2 hours????). The few evaluations I glanced at while collecting papers looked very positive. So, if the audience was happy, I am (reasonably) happy. I got to tell some good stories and an excellent sex ed joke too, so that is always a nice thing.

In other news, the Electric Baby is trying to mambo her way right out of my body. This morning, she was kicking so hard that I wasn't sure how I'd get any work done because it was so distracting. Now she is.... doing the splits or something? I'm feeling strong movement simultaneously at opposite ends of my belly. Thankfully, this is the week in which movements peak at the most vigorous level - she has gained enough strength to really pow, and also has room to wind up to do it well. After this week, as she continues to grow, she will start running out of room for the big wind-up, and eventually, the big kick as well.

All y'all who have never been pregnant - don't read this as complaining about something totally awful. Feeling the kicks is truly a wonderful thing - usually - and I generally love it. It's totally amazing and weird to feel something moving and know what it is (I usually say hello to her when she's moving around, and sometimes start talking to her). It's just occasionally she takes things too far and it gets a tad uncomfortable. But it's still amazing. :)

For me, 2004 was divided into two sections - Before the Accident, and After the Accident. And I couldn't think of much that had happened BA - I got pregnant, yes, but what else? I went to San Francisco and I went to the March in DC..... So I just spent the last hour or so reading my LJ from January through July. Most of that time didn't suck, I discovered. I didn't have any life-changing events, but that's okay really.

So - I'm glad 2004 is over and past, but I won't say it was a terrible year. It was a mixed year. Onward and upward!

I (finally) had a real live pregnancy dream last night. ( dream )

Saw the movie Iron Jawed Angels - at work actually (how cool is it that I can get paid to sit around and watch a Hilary Swank movie?). In case you are unfamiliar with this, it's a recent HBO movie about suffragettes getting the right to vote. My co-workers and I agreed, we want to have a suffragette-dress-up day, for which we could wear cool split skirts and lovely little hats and bloomers and lace-up shoes..... Oh, that would totally rock. We discussed how it would be even funner to dress that way to go lobby in Helena once the legislature is in session. :)

In news that is mostly exciting to just me and no one else reading this (because you don't know this person) - a co-worker told me in great secrecy today that she is pregnant. She's been trying for a few months, so this is very exciting. Her first baby was born premature, and she has had premonitions of miscarrying this second pregnancy (that was well before she even got pregnant) - so she is being cautiously optimistic, but I'm thrilled for her.

I got the coolest baby present today - it's a copy of Baby Talk magazine from 1939, bought in California by an antiquing friend. The bestest part? The article from the working mom, whose key to survival is that she has a fulltime nurse/maid. But a lot of the stuff about feeding and establishing a regular schedule and all that is pretty awesome too. (mental note: dig out thank you cards and send her one, because this totally rocked!)

I made a yummy soup tonight - Westphalian Vegetable Stew, from a Moosewood cookbook. It has potatoes, carrots, turnips, green beans, leeks, and pears (yes, really) in it, and goes wonderfully with the sesame seed bread I bought. It was supposed to snow, so I thought a pot of soup simmering on the stove would be a lovely thing, but the snow has yet to get here. Weathermen are such liars.

And it's another wonderful weekend - wonderful in that I don't have to work or have anywhere I'm required to be. And next week will be a short work week, though is does look like there may be a share of family drama/weirdness on Thursday.

I have to go read my fabulous book now. And write a thank you note. :)

Kicky kicky kick!

Geez. I have gone from "I only feel movement occasionally, when I'm really concentrating and focusing" one week ago to constant karate practice. Amazing. She is most active - as has been true all along - when I first lay down to go to sleep and when I first wake up in the morning. And between 11 a.m. and noon, oddly enough.

Other things no one ever tells you about pregnancy: how your belly button changes. It's bizarre. (I don't have an outie yet. It's just getting... shallower. And tender.)

Which then gets me thinking about how truly utterly weird it is that I used to be attached there to an umbilical cord which was my only source for nourishment, etc. - and they just cut it off and left this little... useless vestigial pucker on my belly. Does anyone else think that's a weird concept?

--I have not actually done my laundry, though I need to.

--My "Christmas" cactus is in bloom. It's apparently on an 11-month cycle. For a few years it actually bloomed at Christmas, and then for several years did so at Thanksgiving. This year it was well on its way by Hallowe'en, and has currently achieved full blossom (hell, it's November 9th!). But my dad has one that blooms at Christmas *and* Easter every year. Hmmmm.

--The Electric Baby rolled all the way over yesterday. No fooling. Instead of a little subtle poke from a wee foot, this was a definite roll that started on one side of my belly, and went halfway across. Very funky.

--Our chorus is doing an a cappella Christmas concert this year. When I first found this out, I moaned and groaned, but we are actually doing really cool music (mostly) with only a few duds. Included are many old school favorites, such as "O magnum mysterium", "Bogoroditse Devo" (which almost makes me cry every time we sing it), and Britten's "Hymn to the Virgin". If you don't know this piece, it's based on a 13th-century tune - the chorus sings in English, and then a quartet gets to sing a Latin responsorial. And... tada! I get to sing in the quartet! With galagan on the tenor part, which makes it even cooler. It's the bestest piece ever though:

( text )

(And he was only 16 or 17 when he wrote it, from what I just found. Man.)

--I had an OB appointment this morning. Amazingly, I have only gained 2 pounds total over my pre-pregnancy weight, but they didn't seem too overly concerned about that. (How is that possible, when *none* of my pants or skirts fit, and I'm showing and everything?) My belly measures right where it should though (from the pubic bone to the top of the fundus), so I guess that's all right. Next time I have to get a shot *groan* and fun stuff like that. But she did say we'll repeat my ultrasound at 30 or 32 weeks, so that's happy news!!! (I'm now 24 weeks - a full 5 months through this process!)

--I have an email address of someone at NOAA to contact about my lightning strike experience. Let's hope I can tell him something helpful!

So, as I have mentioned, my Biggest Project of the Year starts tomorrow, and runs all week. I'm usually a total stress bunny over this and work myself into a state - and by the end of the week, I'm totally exhausted and worn out and good for nothing but utter collapse. Early this morning, I even had a nightmare about it - just your typical show-up-at-school-naked kind of thing, but it didn't help matters. galagan sat me down and said "you know, you can't control everything, and that's okay." And I responded "I know, I know" - but the true import of that is hitting me now, 12 hours later. So I am going to try to be a little more Zen, and a little less of a stress case, this week - take things as they come, deal with stuff as it arises.... My overall attitude at the moment is sort of a fuckit thing anyhow, so if I can let that fuel a greater sense of inner peace, I think it would just be better for everyone. Anyway, that's my resolution for the week. And as soon as the week is over, I'm going to start putting the wheels in motion to hand this off to someone else for next year - let's spread the fun around!!!!

In other news, I'm definitely looking pregnant. :) In case you're all dying to track my pregnancy day by day (and who isn't?), there is now a pregnancy tracker-ticker thingy in my userinfo, thanks to rivka and my own hormonal weirdnesses. (I resisted for so long!) I bought some maternity pants for work, and I am hoping that more comfortable waistbands will also contribute to that aforementioned sense of inner peace. I will not go off on another rant here about the gendered baby clothes in the world - but I could.

We have had one trick-or-treater. This comes of being the only house on our side on a short cross street. Why would you go to one little house (two if you cross the street) when you could hit 15 going on the perpendicular street? Alas.