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So, not to turn into a total cliche of a stay at home mom already, but Oprah had a really good show today. )
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I feel so boring these days. I work, I eat and I sleep. That's about it. No energy left over with which to be interesting, or do interesting things. Probably the most interesting thing these days in my life is office politics - and I don't feel like recounting some of those things here. (For one thing, it would take way too long.)

But speaking of which, another co-worker has quit (for a better paying job) - and I clearly still have abandonment issues around everyone leaving. One thing about pregnancy - not only am I having clear, realistic, vivid dreams, but they are easy as hell to interpret as well. Last night's dream involved our living under a totalitarian fundamentalist government, which chose [livejournal.com profile] galagan to go away on a mission (like the Mormons do) - and they were coming to get him, and I was trying to figure out how I'd function as a single mom for the next 2-3 years while he was in the jungle, or wherever. I had a dream the other night that all the teeth on one side of my mouth suddenly crumbled and fell out (hmmm, is my body changing in strange and mysterious ways?).

At least I know what my issues are. :)
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I'm being rather calm about the whole election debacle, but there is one tiny bizarre aspect that is nagging at me. A very personal thing.

more fallout from my summer )
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I've been browsing pregnancy communities and checking out the belly pictures. There is a certain element of holy shit to this process, because a lot of these women look pretty huge by halfway through their pregnancy, and then keep getting bigger. And I realize that's what's in store for me. Very shortly now. And not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's hard to realize that my body will soon do those things.

I'm not taking any belly shots yet, because there ain't nothing to see. I haven't had a flat stomach since college (if then - I certainly didn't appreciate it then), but it is definitely rounded at the moment. The other thing is that I am basically refusing all photographs until I get my cast off. I just don't want it immortalized. I'll have big ol' scars (oooo - will I ever!), and I'm in no danger of forgetting any of it. But I want to put this fucking hellhole month of August behind me - September can't get here soon enough for me (less than 3 hours at this point, in this time zone).

So, Mary's mother called me last night - it was both difficult and wonderful, conversation-wise. She's a really fabulous person (we've met a handful of times) and we talked about everything under the sun. Including the accident. It was Good. We laughed and cried and laughed, and she'll be in town next month so we'll get to do a little more of that then.

It's all part of the healing process.
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I had a minor breakdown yesterday. Basically, I've always been very independent, and that's something I strongly value. So the transition to (even partial) dependency has been difficult for me. I'm used to doing things how I want them and when I want them - because I'm doing it. So just asking [livejournal.com profile] galagan for help over and over is hard. So I dissolved into major tears because I felt I was being a horrible demanding bitch. And was comforted (and told that I am not any of those things).

Have I mentioned recently that [livejournal.com profile] galagan is a prince among men? Truly.


So then, in the midst of a restless night last night, I had a dream. This one's real tricky to interpret.... Basically, I was at the appointment to get my cast off, and they said "Well, you're going to need more surgery, to realign your thumb. But we can't do it yet, so we'll have to wait." And they started taping all my fingers together so I couldn't use them, preparatory to putting on a new cast. It was one of those dreams where you wake up almost bolt upright. Absolutely horrifying, actually. I had a lot of trouble getting back to sleep after that, even though I was reassuring myself that none of that would happen.

So yeah, what do you think I might be afraid of? :)

Aside from not getting the best night of sleep, I feel much better emotionally today. Let's hope this continues.


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April 2017



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