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This is the letter I wrote to Glamour in January, in all its ranty glory:

I have been a Glamour subscriber since the mid-1990s, and I have been increasingly disappointed with the magazine in the past few years. Maybe I'm just getting old, or outgrowing the magazine.

My latest disappointment was the interview with Eva Longoria Parker in the February 2009 issue. I am rather appalled that the biggest issue, the first question the interviewer had to ask was if she had gained weight or was pregnant. As if that's the worst possible rumor that one could spread about a woman. It's magazines like yours placing such undue emphasis on weight that cause our societal preoccupation with body image, which in turn leads to eating disorders and women spending years on diets. It seems completely inappropriate - if I want to read about how much someone weighs, I'll read a diet magazine. I would expect a magazine like Glamour to interview celebrities about their lives, their work and probably their relationships.

Glamour used to be a women's magazine for those who wanted to think and were maybe a little political too. I used to defend you to my mocking friends. Now, the smart stuff and the politics are all too rare, and often buried in an avalanche of tired gender stereotypes and crap like the Longoria Parker article. If I just wanted to read about sex and diet tips and makeup, I could pick Cosmopolitan. There used to be a difference between the two magazines.

I still have a subscription for the next year or so, and I'll let that run its course. But I won't renew, and I won't defend you anymore. I really miss the old Glamour.

K_____ R___

Here's what Glamour actually printed:

I was disappointed that the first question you asked Eva related to her weight. I would expect a magazine like Glamour to interview celebs about their lives, work and relationships. An undue emphasis on weight leads to years of dieting.

K______ R___

My (unsent! I'm not a fool) response to that:

Dear Glamour:

Really? That's the best job you could do of editing my letter for length? Thanks for making me look kinda stoopid, especially with that third line (wha?). Let me help you by summarizing my own letter, since you clearly are incapable:

Dear Glamour, You suck. Also, your magazine contributes to society's obsession with weight, so don't pretend otherwise. Plus, you suck. No love, me.

While I'm at it:

Dear TD BankNorth:

You people are really first-rate idiots, and as soon as you get my bank account straightened out, I'm planning on moving all my money somewhere else, because if there's one thing I can't stand, it's incompetence.

No love,
me

and finally....

Dearest darling lovely daughter,

Please please please please PLEASE stop whining.

Much love,
Mom
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